Parenting and mental health

It’s ok to not be ok. Parenthood is a unique journey for every individual, filled with its own set of challenges and triumphs. The pressure to manage everything alone can be overwhelming, but it's important to recognize that you are not alone in feeling this way.
Many parents experience moments when the weight of their responsibilities feels like too much. Balancing your individual life journey and the demands of raising children can create a significant emotional burden. In these moments, reaching out for help is a crucial step. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for support from family, friends, or professionals.
Therapists who specialize in parenting issues can offer valuable tools and perspectives. If local options feel uncomfortable or inaccessible, consider looking at therapists in other parts of your state, as many insurance plans cover out-of-network providers.
Remember, it is essential not to suffer in silence. The challenges of parenting can coexist with its many rewards. Furthermore, the lack of support many working mothers face from employers can exacerbate stress. Acknowledging your feelings and seeking assistance can foster healthier outcomes for both you and your family. There is strength in asking for help, and doing so can lead to a more balanced and fulfilling parenting experience.

Tips on how to manage being a working parent

Struggling to be fully present in your career, education, and as a parent is a common challenge that many individuals face. The pressure to "do it all" can become overwhelmingly intense, leading to persistent feelings of inadequacy and overall burnout. It’s essential to acknowledge that attempting to juggle multiple responsibilities without appropriate support can significantly weigh heavily on your mental and emotional well-being.
Outsourcing help is not a sign of weakness or failure; rather, it can be a thoughtful and strategic decision that empowers you to concentrate on what truly matters to you. Whether it’s hiring a babysitter for your children, engaging in collaborative study groups with classmates, or seeking professional assistance in your career endeavors, having a reliable support system is essential for your success.
Take a moment to consider the specific tasks that consistently drain your energy and evaluate where you can delegate or seek assistance. Allowing yourself to accept help from others can enable you to be more present with your family, deeply focused on your studies, and fully engaged in your work. Remember, it’s completely acceptable to lean on others when you find it necessary. Prioritizing your mental health is crucial and promotes a better balance in all aspects of your life, leading to a more fulfilling and sustainable experience.

Demand what you deserve.

We live in a world that I like to say is “unevenly distributed”. When it comes to wealth distribution, many things play a role in a person’s access to wealth. Some of us are born into wealth. Some of us win the lottery. Some of us live off of others. Some of us work very hard and never see a fragment of the wealth we deserve as citizens. And then there’s those of us who have decided to carve out our own path to get what we deserve. 

 If you’re reading this, more than likely you’re someone who doesn’t have instant access to wealth. You’re probably the type of person who has to work hard for everything you get, and even then, you may find it hard to get what you deserve. This used to be me until I made one critical change in my life. 

For a long time, I found it hard to demand what I knew I was worth professionally. As an educated woman with an advanced level degree and significant professional expertise, I discovered I was constantly limiting myself by accepting what other people offered me as opposed to demanding what I deserved for my services.

You see, for a long time I was suffering from imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a feeling of inadequacy despite your actual skill and abilities. Even though deep down I knew I was qualified to offer the services I offer at a price that reflected my skill and experience, a part of me doubted my ability to get paid what I am worth, and I often found myself settling for offers that were way less than what I deserved. You can’t build a profitable business by doing this!

 Accepting an offer lower than what you're worth is rarely acceptable as an entrepreneur. In the rare cases that you do accept a lower fee, there always needs to be some kind of  incentive or exchange of services to compensate for the lower fee. If there isn’t, then simply decline the opportunity.

 Now, you may be thinking, “Well, won’t I throwing money away?” The answer is NO. When you decline to work with a potential client because they can’t or won’t pay your fee you are in essence fine tuning your target audience and filtering in those who are willing and able to pay you what you deserve.

 Remember, the point of being an entrepreneur is to work less and earn more! A small amount of high paying customers will always benefit you more than a large amount of low paying customers, because while you may end up with more money with the latter, you’ll end up working a lot harder, and life is about living NOT working.

 So, how do you ensure that you get paid what you’re worth from your client?  The first way is to take some time out to write down what you will accept and what you will not accept from your clients for the service(s) you provide. I personally don’t list my rates on my website because they differ per client, however, one way to be transparent with potential clients is to list a  minimum investment on your website for the service(s) you provide.  This way, any potential client will have an idea of any minimum investment they’ll need to make before an actual quote is given to them.

 If you’re like me, and you don’t like to list your rates online, having a premade document ready with the rates or ranges to all the services you offer that you can send to a potential client immediately after discussing what they need can also be helpful, and won’t make it seem like you’re pulling  a random rate out of the air.

 Another thing we can do as service providers is educating potential clients about our rates.  Sometimes a fee for service is questioned because the potential client simply has no idea what they’re paying for. Having a breakdown of the different tasks that are included in the service can be helpful in getting a client who’s on the fence to sign the contract. Finally, being able to negotiate an alternate version of a specific service that would include less work on your behalf, but may fit your client’s budget can also be helpful in keeping a good client who you otherwise may have lost.

 Ultimately, running a business is not easy. When you’re working for yourself you have to remember that YOU’RE the boss, and therefore you set the rules and policies as to how your business will run. If your plan is to build a business that will last, then learning to be firm in your pricing will be one of the first skills you master. One of the best things about working for yourself is the freedom to do what you love, how you love, and for the price that works best for YOU! Keeping that in mind has been my way of prospering as a business owner and most importantly getting what I deserve!

Tips to master your communication style as parents.

As parents one of the many challenges we face is how to best communicate with our children. This becomes even more complicated when you have more than one child and they’re different ages and/or genders. As a mother of a 16 year-old son and a 15-year-old daughter I’ve discovered that learning my children’s communication styles is an ongoing lesson, and while I’m beginning to master it, it’s a skill that I continue to work on. Here are some communication tools I’ve picked up along the way that works for both of my children.

Check in on them

One thing I like to do is regular check-ins with my children, separately. Many people reserve family dinner time to check-in with their children, but having private conversations with your children is equally as important, and helps you to be more receptive to each individual child’s life in a more intimate way. Taking some time to sit with them and listen to what happened in their day lets your child know that you’re genuinely interested in what’s going on in their lives and that you’re available to them if they need to get something off of their mind. Far too often, as busy parents we have a million things going on in our day, and we neglect taking time out for those precious conversations with our children because we’re busy. But, taking the time to parent our children by giving them our undivided attention lets them know that they’re always your priority.

Converse, don’t chastise

Every child faces challenges in their life, but helping them to successfully navigate those challenges can be key to their ability to overcome them. Let’s face it, our children will mess up.  However, our jobs as parents is to make sure they have the tools available to them to navigate their mistakes and learn to make better choices in the future.  As parents, we should be the first resource our children have. However, we will not be utilized as a resource if our children feel as though we’d rather chastise them than converse with them. When you converse with your child you get an understanding of their logic (regardless of how flawed) in making the choice they made. That information is helpful in aiding them in a solution to rectify those mistakes and move forward from them.  When we leap to chastise our children before conversing with them first we typically don’t get the full story, and this can lead to them making the same mistake again in the future.

Listen with your whole self

As a parent, mastering the ability to listen to our children with our whole selves is critical to our ability to learn what their challenges are, and to their ability to master those challenges. Listening with our whole self allows us to be present in the moment, perceptive to what they’re saying verbally and behaviorally, and receptive to their needs.  One of the most important aspects of communication is having good listening skills. Listening goes beyond just “hearing” our children, but taking it to the deeper level of being in tune with their situation at that moment. It’s connecting to them on a personal level and acknowledging what they’re communicating to you, asking questions when necessary, and listening for hints that they may be leaving something out. The best way to do this is to find a quiet place where you and your child can be alone, putting away the cell phones, pressing mute on all other outside noise, and being present in the moment with your child to get a full understanding of what they’re saying to you. This is what listening with your whole self requires.

Apologize when You’re wrong

So, we’ve already established that our children will mess up, but as parents we’re guaranteed to mess up as well. How we communicate our own mistakes to our children is equally if not more important than how our children communicate their mistakes to us.  Why?  Because we’re setting an example for our children, and our ability to acknowledge when we have done wrong to our children and apologize for our actions lets our children know that making mistakes is a human thing and not a “them” thing. It doesn’t matter how big or small the mistake is—if we do something wrong that affects our children, we need to acknowledge it, let them know why we made the mistake, and apologize to them for it. Apologizing to our children lets them know that we value their feelings and we as parents are not above reproach. Having an open and loving relationship with your children requires their ability to feel comfortable with letting us know that we’ve hurt them. Children who feel as though they are both loved and respected by their parents tend to have more open and frequent communication with them, and in the end, that’s all we can ask for as parents.

How do you communicate with your children?

The Power of NO.

Do you find yourself saying yes to everything and everyone? Are you able to keep all of your commitments? Is it hard for you to say no to people?

I used to believe that I could do everything as long as I planned it. I would say said YES and squeeze it in my planner. I worked 40+ hours per week outside the home, volunteer 20+ hours per week in my community, attended everything my family and friends invited me to, AND I attended every event held at my children’s school. I was running on fumes but in denial. It all changed after attending a mom’s group at my church. The topic was “The Power of NO.” They gave us copy of a To Don’t List. OMG! My life changed and I started practicing self-care and community-care. I noticed when I started saying no people treated me as if I owed them “MY TIME.” Some were offended.

However, I noticed that I was feeling at peace, more energized, more present for my family. I learned to be OK with other people not being happy with me telling them no. I might have been the first person to tell them no… I don’t know! Say it with me…NO. No is a complete sentence. Don’t feel like you need to give anyone an explanation. You might start to notice how people no longer show up for you. That’s ok! You are weeding people out of your life by setting boundaries with them. You don’t have to always be available to everyone all the time.

Just say NO! Reclaim your power. Own your power.

I see you! You’re amazing! Take care of yourself and embrace the power of NO.

Follow me on IG: @the_doula_xperience and share what you will say no to today, this week, or this month.